Category Archives: Confidence

Getting Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Posted on by under Confidence, Courage, Decision Making, Habits, Ten Seconds of Boldness

Reality check: How are your New Year plans taking shape?

It’s only a week into the new year and I suspect many are already battling the fear and doubt of change. Struggling to find the time, energy, motivation, and discipline necessary to follow through with the first steps of their grand plans. Perhaps what was a voice of confidence and courage is now cowering under a blanket with a pint of Hagan Daz and binge-watching Netflix.

 I get it. I did that too. 

Well, not the ice cream part. But I had an excuse, I was sick.

But now I am back and ready to help others who need a little encouragement to take the first steps to what they say they want. Even as an atmospheric river dumps inches of rain and feet of snow all around California, I am ready. 

Are you? 

How’s it going? Are you feeling good about your progress so far or are you already beating yourself up for all the shit you said you were going to do but haven’t yet? 

Life is not a straight line, it’s messy.

Guess what? Life is not a straight line, it’s messy. But I wonder if you had good intentions to somehow make this year different what are you doing that is not the same as last year?

are YOU going to muster enough courage to become uncomfortable?

Newsflash: If your answer is nothing, then how can you ever sincerely believe that you will get what you want? Are the good wish fairies going to magically appear in the middle of the night and wash away all your problems and excuses or are YOU going to muster enough courage to become uncomfortable?

I can’t answer that for you. But I can offer you some hope, inspiration and encouragement. It may be that is all you are missing — someone to tell you that you can, that you are worth it; someone to believe in you until you believe in yourself.

If that’s the case, keep reading. 

One new habit I am making is becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable. That can be scary. It usually is. But since I wrote Ten Seconds of Boldness — I am finding that I must practice what I preach if I want anything to change.

That means being bold enough to change and disciplined enough to practice especially when it’s awkward. 

One thing I was struggling with was whether or not to invest in producing an audiobook. Well after tons of positive feedback from a small sample, the producers shared at a recent writers’ conference, I decided to take the plunge and one more bold step forward toward my own dream of becoming a speaker, podcast host, and best-selling author. 

I know it’s not going to happen overnight. But I also know that no matter what goals I have set for myself in the past, I feel much better when I am in the process of making them happen. Not merely wishing or thinking about them. Instead, with each new goal I set to do something new, awkward, or uncomfortable, I make s conscious decision to practice and fall until I figure it out.

I feel the fear and do it anyway knowing I am probably going to suck at first.

I feel the fear and do it anyway knowing I am probably going to suck at first. Instead of being paralyzed by my own fear of failure stepping into it with the bold conviction and determination to keep at it until I succeed.

Perhaps you know what this tug of war between self-doubt and ambition feels like too. 

It’s called fear. 

The antidote is courage. 

If you are struggling with the inspiration and motivation to other get started or stick with your plans, I encourage you to listen to my interview with podcast host, Osha Hayden. The secret to what you may be missing is in that podcast.

I’m always happy to help you map out a plan and strategy for whatever it is you want to accomplish. All you have to do is be bold enough to ask. 

Here’s the link to Osha Hayden’s Aspire with Osha Podcast

You can listen to the inspiring interview with me on Ten Seconds of Boldness here. Enjoy!

Follow. Connect. Comment. Share.

If you found this entertaining or helpful and want to read more of my articles, and stories follow me here and sign up for my email list to get all my latest musings, advice, or life lessons. If you need more encouragement, shoot me a message at shawnlangwellriter@gmail.com.

Photo by Derek Thomson on Unsplash

What could you accomplish if you had the confidence and belief that you would succeed?  

Posted on by under Belief, Confidence, Self-Confidence, Speaking Engagement, Ten Seconds of Boldness

What if you decided to take the first bold step?

A week ago I had the privilege of being a guest on Aspire with Osha, a podcast produced and hosted by Osha Hayden where I answer that question and offer listeners and readers insights on life, recovery, and why I wrote Ten Seconds of Boldness.

Drawing upon her experience as a psychotherapist, mediator, trainer, and artist, Osha is the consummate host. Says, Osha on her website, “My show is all about connections–how art connects with nature which is essential for humanity. How people can steer their passion into creating and contributing to a better world—a more positive future for us all, in ways both great and small.”

I Felt the Fear and Did it Anyway

Despite the fact that I had just finished writing a book about developing courage and boldness to become self-confident, I won’t lie, I was nervous about the interview.

I still get nervous before every speaking engagement. This interview was no different. I still waste time worrying about how I sound—am I too quiet, too direct, blunt, or do I have the late-night radio DJ voice of empathy and compassion, offset by flourishes of enthusiasm and excitement? In other words, am I being myself or trying to sound or be like someone else? I only know how to be me, and that is enough.

I only know how to be me, and that is enough.

Then the worry train blows its whistle and the critic, turned conductor, shouts, “ALL ABOARD!” Quickly my thoughts become a series of worry laden, what ifs—what if I say something I’ll later regret (not that I have ever done that). What if I forget important material or worse, freeze on air? (Fortunately, the interview was prerecorded which alleviated some of my anxiety). You get the idea.

Then I immediately start thinking about what I am going to say—will I remember the key points? What if I cuss or say something stupid? At some point, I stop worrying about it all and decide to just be myself. I tell myself I am not going to die if mess up. Somehow admitting and accepting that, takes the pressure off.

I process any and all self-defeating garbage that still goes through my mind, and I do it anyway.

Why? Because I like to lead by example. And if I just spent five years writing a book to inspire others to find the passion and courage to pursue their dreams and goals, I damn well better put money where my mouth is.

The Conversation

After the introduction, the gremlins in my head slowly settled down within minutes of getting started. The critics stopped barking, and, thanks to Osha, I dropped into a zone of vulnerability. She made it safe, easy, and comfortable for me to share personal stories with one sole purpose: to inspire and help others take a chance on themselves.

And when I started to wander off into the weeds, Osha deftly brought me back to my center, reminding me of the important points covered in the book such as what important questions we should ask ourselves if we want to be successful, what is success, and what I wanted listeners and readers to walk away with.

I am sure every listener will find at least one nugget to help them take one bold step forward on a journey of personal growth and self-confidence.

Enjoy,

Shawn

Are You a Writer (or aspiring author) Tired of Feeling Like a Handcuffed Hamster in a Habitrail?

Posted on by under Author Tips, Confidence, Writers Block, Writing Tips

Me too.

I’ve been working since I was 13—four decades of making a living and a life, chasing teenage dreams, and pursuing more get-rich-quick opportunities than I care to admit. And yet, here I am still looking for my next food pellet in my fifties.

I doubt anyone reading this can relate,(tongue in cheek). 

Seriously, how many other writers out there are like me— are still scrambling to “crack the Medium code” or “Build a platform or following?” or become a best-selling author to make enough $ to quit their day job?

Is that what we really want? Or is the goal to make enough passive income posting half-baked or regurgitated crap on all kinds of platforms so we can get the following, or affiliate $ which, after reading several Medium posts, yield barely enough to buy an iced, skim milk, double-shot, add whip, mocha at Starbucks. That’s not sustainable. 

Writing for coffee money ain’t gonna pay the rent. 

So, what do artists like us do? What’s the magic coffee bean to jack up our income enough so we can do what we are passionate about—writing—full time?

Good question. 

I, like you, am still trying to figure it out. If you figure it out before me, please share. I promise to do the same. 

In the interim, I still work full-time. I’ve heard several successful people on podcasts advise, “Don’t quit your day job until you have to.” Sage advice.

So, does that mean most of us passionate and driven authors are destined to keep scratching at the cedar bark of life, looking for a golden nugget that’s not a turd?

Unfortunately, yes. Most of us will have to squeeze back into the Habitrail maze — work cubby or home office — and continue sniffing out fresh fruit.

Outside of work, though what should we do?

Write. Everyday.

In fact, over the past five years, my own quest to find the secret to success resulted in a book on overcoming doubt and building self-confidence. In it, I include a five-step method to move you from here to there, plus a shit-ton of other practical tips—mostly about how to change your mindset—from my own experience and influential folks across the country. 

On August 1st, I published my second book—Ten Seconds of Boldness: The Essential Guide to Solving Problems and Building Self-Confidence.

That’s a pretty big deal!

More importantly, it’s selling and early feedback shows people are digging it.

Check it out if you ever doubt your writing abilities, or any for that matter: shawnlangwell.com. You will definitely learn some tips to help you overcome the imposter gremlins in your head.

So what now?

In the meantime, on top of a full-time job, I will keep writing and maybe even learn that I can say a few things people want to read. Perhaps writing on a daily basis and getting better is the secret I’ve been searching for all along. 

Good luck in your quest. More on mine, later.

If you like this, follow me and check me out at shawnlangwell.com.



Posted on by under Belief, Courage, Inspiration, Mindset, Overcoming worry, Personal Growth, Self-Confidence

Fact: 85% of Us Suffer From Low Self-Esteem

Several studies indicate that 85% of Americans suffer from low self-esteem. That’s a huge problem. Unless you are part of the top 15% of self-actualized individuals living in a perpetual state of bliss, enlightenment, or Nirvana, there is a high probability that you, like me, suffer from occasional bouts of low self-worth or have your confidence shaken from time to time. Our confidence and self-esteem problems will not go away on their own. To successfully combat our low self-esteem, we have to not only get honest about what our problems are but may need counsel to guide us through the gnarled mess in our minds.

A Simple Science-Based and Empirically-Tested Solution for Improving our Self-Esteem

While there are many solutions for overcoming low self-esteem, one is closer than you think. Both the problem and solution can be found in one word—belief. According to Stephen Campbell and other neuroscientists, the inner critics in our heads lack discernment between fact or fiction. The brain, according to Campbell, “…believes EVERYTHING we tell it, without question, no arguments.”

This is important to understand because it validates the tired cliché, “Garbage in. Garbage out.”

Unfortunately, many of our beliefs are false. They are lies we’ve held for years, perhaps initiated by criticism from parents, bosses, teachers, or other life influences. Because our brains don’t know what to believe, the critical voices are reinforced by our negative self-talk, especially in areas related to our self-esteem and self-confidence.

This is not healthy. To the extent that we give them power over our lives, the critics in our minds are toxic.

I explore this further in the chapter about belief in my upcoming release of Ten Seconds of Boldness, The Essential Guide to Solving Problems and Building Self-Confidence.

For now, here’s some great news:

You can change if you somehow find enough courage to do so.

You may be thinking, That’s great. Tell me something I don’t already know.

How do I find courage? Good question, but a better question we must ask ourselves is why?

What does that mean and how is it related to self-confidence? It means everything.

It’s no secret that when we not only change the way we think but what we choose to believe, our world changes. Our perspective shifts as we replace outdated beliefs about ourselves with new ones.

And, according to neuroscience, everything we believe is tied to patterns we have created in our minds, to what we chose to believe.

Neuroscience expert Steven Campbell explains further:

One of the most exciting discoveries in the neurosciences is how our brain is continually creating patterns, based on what we learn during the day. It creates these patterns at night when we are asleep. And the number of patterns it creates is beyond imagination.

The latest research estimates that our brain has about eighty-three billion neurons, and each of these neurons are connected to an average of 10,000 neurons. That’s not a multiple; that’s a power! In other words, the connections, which determine the number of patterns the human brain can carry is eighty-three billion times eighty-three million, 10,000 times. It is no wonder that the scientific community agrees that the human brain is the most complex organism in the universe.

While the brain is incredibly complex, when it comes to learning new things, simple is always better. The problem, as Stephen points out, is that our brain never sleeps; it doesn’t know what is helpful or detrimental to your self-esteem. As a result, the thoughts and feelings we have throughout the day, good or bad, are on a perpetual quest to connect to similar thoughts, beliefs, or feelings in our brain. This further reinforces existing beliefs, good or bad, thereby creating patterns that will continue until challenged.

In my case, low self-esteem and self-confidence have manifested themselves in a myriad of negative thought patterns, beliefs, or emotions in my life. Here are a few examples, which are variations of thinking and behavior rooted in fear:

  • Jealousy
  • Resentment
  • Anger
  • Pride
  • Ego
  • Blame
  • Guilt
  • Shame
  • Micro-Management
  • Control
  • Fear of Failure
  • Fear of Making a Mistake
  • Fear of Being Wrong
  • Fear of the Unknown
  • Fear of Rejection
  • Fear of Abandonment
  • Fear of Public Speaking
  • Fear of Confrontation
  • Fear of Success
  • Fear of Death
  • Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

If you relate to any of these fears, I encourage you to read Ten Seconds of Boldness. It could be the missing link to moving you from where you are to where you want to be.

Learn more at shawnlangwell.com

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

Posted on by under Calling, Career, Courage, Goals, Purpose, Self-Confidence

This is a question we have all contemplated at some point in our lives. Perhaps, we still do. What do we do to “figure it out?” Who do we ask for help? I recall a conversation I had with my stepfather years ago.

It was a cool spring day, in April. My stepfather David and I sat outside on the deck of his hillside home in West Marin beneath old oaks and towering pines, talking about my future.

I don’t recall how the conversation started, but I do remember feeling my heart thump in my chest because at that point, I felt as if I should know what career to pursue but had no real clue. I had never even written a resume.

I was lost.

“Congratulations!” he started. “You’re graduating and you’re going to get married. That’s terrific! Now what do you think you want to be when you grow up? What kind of job do you want?” Immediately I felt my gut tighten and stammered a feeble reply. “I don’t know, that’s why I am here.” He continued trying to get me to open up, to say what I wanted. I grew frustrated because he wasn’t telling me what I should do. Instead, he was trying to guide me to figure it out for myself.

David, perhaps sensing my trepidation, told me something I will never forget. He said, “You are one of the most courageous people I know.”

Surprised, I leaned back in my chair. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“You not only found the courage to stop drinking at a young age, but you have the grit and determination to finish school and start a family at the same time. That takes guts.” For the next hour or so, I asked him more relevant questions to zero in on what I might or might not like in a career. He also assured me that no career decisions are final. That it is perfectly normal and acceptable, even advantageous, for people to change jobs. He added, “Most people work for six or seven different employers in their lifetimes.” With his coaching, I decided to pursue a career in media sales. Next, he helped me come up with a game plan.

That meeting took place nearly thirty years ago. I have used those lessons numerous times since. In fact, I can hear David’s deep powerful encouraging voice in my head as I continue to grapple with my own lack of confidence as an author: “It sounds to me like you already know what you want to write about. I say, go for it!”

The above is an excerpt from my latest book, Ten Seconds of Boldness: The Essential Guide to Solving Problems and Building Self-Confidence which releases on August 1st.

Over the next two weeks, I will share confidence-building insights gleaned from several impactful conversations I’ve had with influential leaders included in the book. In particular, Kevin Miller (“serial entrepreneur”, podcaster, and host of the popular Ziglar show with over 250 Million downloads worldwide), Steve Lavin, Collegiate Basketball Coach and broadcaster, and Aaron Locks, CEO and Founder of National Academy of Athletics who has helped more than 300k kids in 131 cities across the United States become more confident and learn to live by his motto, “Play Hard – Have Fun.”

I look forward to getting to connect with you and hope that what I share will strike a chord and inspire you to find your own Ten Seconds of Boldness to pursue the life you want to live.

You can find me at shawnlangwell.com

Seven Tips for Improving Our Self-Image and Building Self-Confidence:

Posted on by under Inspiration, Personal Growth, Self-Confidence

“All you need to succeed is a willingness to face the unknown and apply the principles of Ten Seconds of Boldness, and enough courage to make a decision and take the first step.” – Shawn Langwell

  1. There are no shortcuts to self-confidence or success. All worthwhile achievement in life is a direct result of having a dream or a vision that requires learning, practicing, and developing the habits necessary to be, have, or do that which you desire. At its core, confidence and success must start with you. Nobody else can determine your dreams or goals. No amount of external motivation will fire you up long enough to help you develop the confidence necessary to feel a meaningful sense of belonging, purpose, and accomplishment.
  2. It’s normal to suffer occasional blows to our confidence. We all do— even star athletes or celebrities. So why then is confidence so hard to build, develop, and maintain? Can it be that we feel the need always to be at the top of our game? That we are so afraid of failing that we don’t ever really try. Or is it more like the song, “Looking for love in all the wrong places”? Are we trying too hard to find confidence in things outside ourselves?
  3. Confidence is not some magic potion. It is built and developed over time, through countless hours of practice and repetition.
  4. Confidence is an experience of being fully present, and at peace with who you are, where you are, now.
  5. Confidence is acceptance of things as they are‑—“It is what it is”— and believing that if you don’t like that, you have the power to respond and react differently.
  6. Building self-confidence is a perpetual quest; it is found in the process of discovering who you really are and who you want to become.
  7. Life is a lot more fun with confidence. When I think of confidence, I think of Stephen Curry. He is, in my opinion, a penultimate superstar. Because of hard work, lots of practice, mental and physical conditioning, creativity, and his willingness to take risks, he dazzles fans around the world with his ball-handling and shooting mastery playing the game he loves—basketball. He exudes fun, joy, humility, and a sense of teamwork that, to me, is the epitome of confidence. But even Steph has off nights. Don’t we all?

If you’d like to learn more, check out my forthcoming book, Ten Seconds of Boldness: The Essential Guide to Solving Problems and Building Self-Confidence. Sign up for early release notification and other helpful tips here: www.shawnlangwell.com

Jump!

Posted on by under Confidence, Courage, Goals, Self-Confidence

“What’s important is that you make the leap. Jump high and hard with intention and heart.” – Cheryl Strayed

The following is an excerpt from Ten Seconds of Boldness: The Essential Guide to Solving Problems and Building Self-Confidence publishing August 1, 2022.

Did you know that the African impala can jump ten feet high and cover ten yards? Yet this magnificent animal can be confined within walls only three feet high. Why? Because unless it first sees where it’s going to land, it’s too afraid to jump.

We aren’t much different.

Many have said the only way to face challenges is head-on. To go through them. Avoiding them or denying they exist, is not a viable solution. In fact, avoidance is part of the problem. To build self-confidence and become more productive, we must identify the mental blocks and fears that we let prevent us from the lives we want, but we must also find something greater than the fear that tethers us to mediocrity and feeling less than. That one thing is courage.

Where do you find courage?

The simple answer is by developing a habit and mindset I call Ten Seconds of Boldness. This is the key to unlock the door to solving problems and building self-confidence. It is where we discover our true value to ourselves and the world. It is how grit, guts, and determination to persevere are established, developed, and mastered. How you find it is a personal matter. But without boldness or courage, you will never advance beyond where you are now.

Boldness is the catalyst to move one step closer to our dreams despite our fears: where the willingness to take a chance on ourselves is borne. And it is by doing, not just thinking, that we move closer to success. As a result of courageous action, we become more productive, happy, and prosperous.

The only thing between who you are now and who you want to be or what you want to have or do is finding the guts to practice Ten Seconds of Boldness.

Keep it Simple

My goal is to help you get to know yourself so well that personal growth and confidence become a habitual response to your life experience.  That living a bold and courageous life becomes an end unto itself. That is the goal, the process of becoming.

I am a firm believer in simplicity. Simple doesn’t mean easy. But therein lies the challenge; we are complex individuals who tend to overthink things and spend way more time thinking than doing. Worse, most of what we think about is negative. Negativity will not help you gain confidence but find the courage within to step forward into the unknown while simultaneously letting go of any preconceived fears will.

The moment you stop holding back the right doors will open. The people and resources to help you will serendipitously appear.

If you would like to be one of the first 100 to receive a FREE PDF of Ten Seconds of Boldness, click the button below to sign up.

Free PDF

Shawn Langwell is the President of California Writers Club, Redwood Writers, past president of Toastmasters of Petaluma, an author, international speaker, and top producing media salesperson. He is the author of the memoir Beyond Recovery: A Journey of Grace, Love, and Forgiveness. This summer he will release Ten Seconds of Boldness: The Essential Guide to Solving Problems and Building Self-Confidence.
You can find Shawn at http://www.shawnlangwell.com

 

Denial is Not a Solution

Posted on by under Belief, Belief System, Confidence, Courage, Good enough, Imposter Syndrome, Inadequacy, Inspiration, motivation, Problem Solving, Procrastination, Self-Awareness, self-confdence, Self-Confidence, Self-Doubt, Writers Block

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.”- Socrates

At this time last year, I wrote about my own shortcomings and how excited I was to finally see the light at the end of a long dark tunnel regarding how long it took to write my next book. I talked about lessons and personal struggles—trying to write a book about confidence while in the midst of one of the biggest slumps in my sales career.

I spoke of promise and hope that my book would be done by the end of 2021. Well, guess what? I’m still not done. But I am many steps closer.

Why do I write this, now? Why am ratting myself out? Because I don’t know of any writer, salesperson, or anyone for that matter, who never struggles with motivation, confidence, with procrastination.

As a writer, speaker, and salesperson I get to face my feelings of inadequacy and insecurity on a daily basis, constantly wondering is this “good enough?” or “am I good enough?”

I know I am not alone.

So, what do I do to overcome that faulty belief system in my head?

I “feel the fear and do it anyway.” I practice Ten Seconds of Boldness.

I show up. I put my butt in a chair and write. I do a little bit every day. I don’t dwell in a carnival house of mirrors where my self-image is distorted and warped. Where the mirrors have names like, worry, doubt, fear, insecurity, and my least favorite, the dreaded “imposter.”

In some small way creating the habit to write on a regular basis alleviates the noise in my head. But like the shadow monster in our closet as kids, these insidious beliefs about my value and worth continue to sneak around, especially in the dark. Probably always will. When I feel them lurking, I flip on the lights and see that they were only shadows. Figments of my imagination and faulty belief system.

Sure, it takes more than flipping on the lights to overcome many of our persistent negative habits and feelings that block us from doing our best. Denial is not a solution. That’s why I chose the quote by Socrates. Our progress is predicated on knowing ourselves and being brave enough to walk across the room and flip on the lights when we think there are monsters sneaking about.

But for now, recognizing and admitting the problem exists—monsters are real when we believe them to be— is the first step toward healing. The first step toward becoming a better, more confident writer.

Like anything in life, things get easier with practice. And our confidence grows when we find the courage to feel what we feel and press on anyway.

Now back to finishing my book, even though I don’t want to write right now.

Here’s to you and your success.

If you want to be one of the first to read my next book, “Ten Seconds of Boldness: The Essential Guide to Solving Problems and Building Self-Confidence.” Sign up here.

I will be giving away some planning tools and one signed copy when it’s published.

Find me at: https://shawnlangwell.com/