Tag Archives: Confidence

How to Throw a Raging Pity Party Then Get on With Your Life

Posted on by under Belief System, Mindset, Recovery

Who doesn’t love a good party?

Especially one that has tons of people having a good time. But what about the party in our heads? You know, the ones with tons of unwelcome and uninvited guests—party crashers—AKA — Mr. Doubt and Ms. Insecurity. The worrier, the complainer, Mr. and Mrs. Guilt, and of course, their twin daughters, Shame-la and Shy-la.

Some of these uninvited guests party in our heads all day long throwing down bass-thumping beats louder than a step kids 12″ woofers on a Friday night.

Some of our uninvited guests’ party in our heads all day long throwing down bass-thumping beats louder than a step kids 12″ woofers on a Friday night. Others become squatters trying to steal our peace by never leaving. They are out of control and have turned our ideal vision of a quiet night at home into a nightmare.

How do we turn off the voices? How do we make them leave? Pull the covers over our ears? Call the cops?

How did they even get here?

Well, there’s part of the problem. Like the folklore of vampire movies, once we invite them in we indirectly and unwittingly give them permission to wreak havoc in our lives. To suck the life out of any dreams or visions we have. They are not there to build you up or encourage you to try harder. They are there to destroy you. To make you their bitch.

These voices and we all have many, are there to keep us stuck. In a pot of self-pity, worry, and low self-esteem. Their number one job is like that of the other crabs in the pot — to pull us back in, possibly costing us a claw or a leg as we struggle to break free.

It’s our own fault. After all, we smelled the bait and fell for the trap. The lure of ease and comfort to satisfy our hunger was tantalizing enough for us to slither through the small opening to feast on what we thought would be a good meal. Only one problem, before we knew it we were trapped. In the crab pot of our own mind. God forbid the other crabs should let anyone escape the confines of their self-imposed prison.

What do we do to break free? Can we call 911 and say we are trapped and need help? That’s one way, but I doubt that you could get cell service where you are—lost in a desert of self-imposed fear.

Another option is to fight and claw and try to sweep away these voices that say you aren’t good enough, that you will never amount to anything that you are not smart. You are fat and ugly or stupid and you never should have done that. Whatever that is.

You know. And you worry that others will find out who you are, nothing but a poser, an imposter living in a crowded house of negativity. Like bosses or mates or parents, the voices are haunting and continue to criticize you as they have most of your life.

Then there are your own voices. The ones you hear and see when you look in the mirror every morning. The ones you wish were different but you are not yet courageous enough to change the reflection, the perspective. So you linger awhile longer groveling in self-pity. Some of us even turn up the volume and listen louder.

No matter how many times you have tried to overcome these ill feelings and unwelcome joy parasites, they keep coming back and now they won’t leave. So, what do you do?

If you can’t beat them, join them.

If you can’t beat them, join them. Get into the muck with them and roll around like a happy pig in shit.

Feel all the angst and hurt and anger that you have been stuffing for years. Kick and cry and scream and shout. Experience your feelings as deeply as you can. Let them all out.

What? Are you serious? That’s fn crazy talk. 

Yes, it is and so are the lies you keep telling yourself and listening to as you have for years.

Yes, throw yourself a pity party. Drink deeply from the goblet of lies and guilt and shame, that tells you you are a piece of shit.

Yes, throw yourself a pity party. Drink deeply from the goblet of lies and guilt and shame, that tells you you are a piece of shit.

Know what it’s like. Embrace the disgust you feel about yourself and your decisions and think of all the reasons why it’s true. All of it. Own your thoughts and feelings. Fondle them. Curl up in a ball and cuddle them. After all, you know them better than anyone. They are your friends in the sense that they have provided you temporary comfort and relief just like the half pint of chunky monkey or a shot of tequila when you feel down. They know their role and take it seriously, but there will come a time, just as with a toddler’s binky, that you need to let them go. Sayonara. Hasta La Vista, and unlike Arnie- do not let them get the last words in: “I’ll be back.”

No torch them send them into the black hole of space like the alien invaders they are. Torch those Mfers!

Just not yet. You need to make sure they didn’t lay eggs.

Even when you think you are done feeling all the crap you can, think harder. Look into every nook and cranny searching for all the bad things you think and feel and say about yourself and own them. Play with them one last time, then say goodbye and let them go.

By the time you have exhausted everything that you do not like about yourself, you will have nothing left to tear you down, unless you choose to.

Treat them like you would a telemarketer or door-to-door evangelist — Thank you. Not interested.

Or until the next fearful moment approaches that you are not courageous enough to face it and instead deny its existence or run from it or procrastinate doing anything to stop it dead in its tracks.

Most of all as these events happen do not invite them in to visit. Treat them like you would a telemarketer or door-to-door evangelist — Thank you. Not interested. Hang up the phone and close the door on them. Better yet, don’t answer it in the first place.

How hard is that?

once you embrace your shortcomings and stop denying their existence, they lose their power over you.

It sounds super easy and even crazy but believe it or not, once you embrace your shortcomings and stop denying their existence, they lose their power over you.

So throw the biggest, baddest, pity party you can imagine, and then clean up the mess and get on with your life. Call it a retirement party or going away party or a celebration life. Whatever you decide, don’t let the voices own you.

If you would like to learn more about specific steps to move past these self-defeating and deprecating thoughts you have look me up.

 * Note I am not a psychologist and all of the advice in this post is based on shit I have done when I feel down. 

If you are deeply depressed seek professional help. This is in no way meant to minimize your pain or resolve it if you need medical and professional attention. 

For all the rest of us, give it a shot. The cathartic process of owning our shortcomings definitely weakens the grip they have on us.

Follow. Connect. Comment. Share.

If you found this entertaining or helpful and want to read more of my articles, and stories follow me here or sign up for my email list to get all my latest musings, advice, or life lessons. 

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Affirmations Are Not a Secret

Posted on by under Belief, Belief System

Yet, how many of us don’t believe they work?

“Fake it till you make it.” “Act as if.” “See it. Say it. Believe it. Do it.”

If you have been around the block a few times, you undoubtedly have heard these phrases or ones like them. But hearing them is not the same as using them and BELIEVING them.

It takes practice and willingness to fail and pick the stickers off our cheap thrift store suit

Belief is a fickle beast. It takes practice and willingness to fail and pick the stickers off our cheap thrift store suit as I did before I staggered into my first AA meeting in July of 1986. But it did. And I showed up, even though I didn’t know what to believe or if I even wanted to stop. All I knew was that if I didn’t change something I would probably die before I reached my 23rd birthday.

Long story short, I tried to believe I could stop on my own and tried desperately for the next three months before finally giving up for good.

We want a shortcut to success. Guess what? There isn’t one. So STOP LOOKING FOR IT!

What’s the point? The point is that we all have dreams and goals and problems that we want to accomplish or resolve but most of us either don’t know where to start or even if we do, don’t believe that we are worthy. That we can accomplish something. Worse, most of us want instant gratification. The path of least resistance. We want a shortcut to success. Guess what? There isn’t one. So STOP LOOKING FOR IT!

One of the simplest and easiest spots to change the trajectory of your life is to start a daily practice of gratitude, prayer, and meditation. Why? Because so many of us are externally motivated and driven by ego that we want what we want when we want it but really don’t have any meaningful reason why other than it will make us feel like we are worthy.

True success is way more than that. Lasting success is built one painful mistake at a time. One failure. One risk, one misstep, one adjustment. One goal, one bold step forward. Prayer, meditation, and gratitude help you focus on what really matters. The internal change of who you become that is lasting and way more significant than earning another 12k per year.

Being grateful for what you have frees up your mental space to receive more of what the universe has to offer you. The same is true for prayer and meditation as well as writing affirmations.

Prayer and meditation help you focus on what really matters. Affirmations are present positive statements that reinforce and create a mental shift in your belief system from I can’t to I can.

for affirmations to work you have to trust in forces unseen…you must believe them to be true.

But for affirmations to work you have to trust in forces unseen, yourself, and be bold enough to take action rather than just write them down and say them. Lastly, you must believe them to be true.

This takes practice. Lots. It takes discipline and daily repetition of stating that which you want as if you already have it day in and day out. As you do so it shall be.

It’s inexplicable but when you shift your thinking to what can be opportunities miraculously and inexplicably begin to manifest themselves in your lives. I have experienced this for more than 40 years ever since I first discovered the incredible power of affirmations.

Here is my current one:

It feels great to have written enough good stuff for 100 people to follow me on Medium

It feels great to have written enough good stuff for 100 people to follow me on Medium so I can start to earn some money. More importantly, though I have wisdom and knowledge that I want to share with others than can help them live better lives and that’s why I write.

Yes, I want to make a few more bucks but really I look forward to the day when I can say, wow in 2022 I wanted 100 followers, now five years later I have 10,000+. I am living proof this affirmation stuff really works.

Note: in July I had 17 followers. Since writing this affirmation in July, I am now at 83 + and believe that I will hit 100 by the end of September if not sooner.

Take a chance on yourself. Believe in yourself. You are worth it.

Shawn Langwell is a highly respected leader, author, and speaker. He is a recovered alcoholic with 35+ years of continuous sobriety who writes and talks on a variety of topics and is available to address any audience, anywhere on the topics of recovery, business strategy, or goal setting.

Find him at shawnlangwell.com.

Photo by Ivan Dostál on Unsplash

What could you accomplish if you had the confidence and belief that you would succeed?  

Posted on by under Belief, Confidence, Self-Confidence, Speaking Engagement, Ten Seconds of Boldness

What if you decided to take the first bold step?

A week ago I had the privilege of being a guest on Aspire with Osha, a podcast produced and hosted by Osha Hayden where I answer that question and offer listeners and readers insights on life, recovery, and why I wrote Ten Seconds of Boldness.

Drawing upon her experience as a psychotherapist, mediator, trainer, and artist, Osha is the consummate host. Says, Osha on her website, “My show is all about connections–how art connects with nature which is essential for humanity. How people can steer their passion into creating and contributing to a better world—a more positive future for us all, in ways both great and small.”

I Felt the Fear and Did it Anyway

Despite the fact that I had just finished writing a book about developing courage and boldness to become self-confident, I won’t lie, I was nervous about the interview.

I still get nervous before every speaking engagement. This interview was no different. I still waste time worrying about how I sound—am I too quiet, too direct, blunt, or do I have the late-night radio DJ voice of empathy and compassion, offset by flourishes of enthusiasm and excitement? In other words, am I being myself or trying to sound or be like someone else? I only know how to be me, and that is enough.

I only know how to be me, and that is enough.

Then the worry train blows its whistle and the critic, turned conductor, shouts, “ALL ABOARD!” Quickly my thoughts become a series of worry laden, what ifs—what if I say something I’ll later regret (not that I have ever done that). What if I forget important material or worse, freeze on air? (Fortunately, the interview was prerecorded which alleviated some of my anxiety). You get the idea.

Then I immediately start thinking about what I am going to say—will I remember the key points? What if I cuss or say something stupid? At some point, I stop worrying about it all and decide to just be myself. I tell myself I am not going to die if mess up. Somehow admitting and accepting that, takes the pressure off.

I process any and all self-defeating garbage that still goes through my mind, and I do it anyway.

Why? Because I like to lead by example. And if I just spent five years writing a book to inspire others to find the passion and courage to pursue their dreams and goals, I damn well better put money where my mouth is.

The Conversation

After the introduction, the gremlins in my head slowly settled down within minutes of getting started. The critics stopped barking, and, thanks to Osha, I dropped into a zone of vulnerability. She made it safe, easy, and comfortable for me to share personal stories with one sole purpose: to inspire and help others take a chance on themselves.

And when I started to wander off into the weeds, Osha deftly brought me back to my center, reminding me of the important points covered in the book such as what important questions we should ask ourselves if we want to be successful, what is success, and what I wanted listeners and readers to walk away with.

I am sure every listener will find at least one nugget to help them take one bold step forward on a journey of personal growth and self-confidence.

Enjoy,

Shawn

Five Key Decisions to Success in Any Endeavor

Posted on by under Decision Making, Problem Solving, Procrastination, Self-Confidence

How many of you have had what you sincerely thought were great ideas but never followed through with them? They could be a solution to a recurring problem at work that you have a solution for but are too afraid to share for fear of being rejected or criticized. Perhaps you are one of the nine in ten people who would love to write a book but not part of the five percent that actually do. Maybe you want to shift jobs or careers but are not sure where to start. Most of us have fantasies of things we would like to be, have, or do, but never get past the “wishful thinking stage.” Why is that? What’s going on?

The problem is we have a faulty belief system. I believe who we are and who we become is a product of five things:

1. Our upbringing.

2. Our experiences.

3. Our environment.

4. Our inner spirit, curiosity, and creativity.

5. What we believe and how we respond to all of the above.

The problem is each of the above create patterns in our minds that translate into fears. One of the most prevalent and insidious one that keeps us forever chained to a life of average and mediocrity is the fear of rejection. But there’s really nothing to fear. I’ve never heard of someone dying when someone told them NO!

According to recent studies, 91% of our fears will not come true. They are worries and lies — figments of our imagination — which serve no good purpose to building our self-image. Most of our fears are not real, but when we believe them, they are.

As Neuroscientist, Stephen Campbell pointed out in my upcoming book, “another exciting discovery about our brain is how it believes EVERYTHING we tell it, without question, no arguments. When we exclaim to ourselves, ‘I simply cannot do this,’ our brains say, ‘Okay! If you say so! ’ And then it makes sure you can’t!”

So what do you do? How do you flip this doom and gloom script in your mind? How do you find the courage to overcome your fear of rejection or missing out or even fear of success?

There are many ways, all start with a bit of courage and making a decision to act. To take an honest look at how you respond and decide to do something different. Part of your improvement plan included taking an honest self-assessment. Evaluating your strengths, where you feel inadequate, and clearly identify areas of your life you would like to be better. These can include everything to a general feeling of greater self-confidence in work or social situations, finding the courage to do something you have always wanted to do, or taking the first step to planning your dream vacation. Whatever it is, you have within you the power to make it become a reality.

Here are five simple steps for you to practice making better bolder decisions:

1. Decide to identify and admit there’s a problem

2. Decide what you want and what you’re going to do about it.

3. Decide to find out why you want it.

4. Decide what you’re willing to do to get it.

5. Decide to get into action and to never give up.

I encourage you to apply these five steps to one or two decisions you have been putting off. Invest the time to stop believing the lies you keep telling yourself and all the ways you can’t do something and start to look for solutions to ways you can.

To learn more, visit shawnlangwell.com and order Ten Seconds of Boldness on August 1st.



Posted on by under Belief, Courage, Inspiration, Mindset, Overcoming worry, Personal Growth, Self-Confidence

Fact: 85% of Us Suffer From Low Self-Esteem

Several studies indicate that 85% of Americans suffer from low self-esteem. That’s a huge problem. Unless you are part of the top 15% of self-actualized individuals living in a perpetual state of bliss, enlightenment, or Nirvana, there is a high probability that you, like me, suffer from occasional bouts of low self-worth or have your confidence shaken from time to time. Our confidence and self-esteem problems will not go away on their own. To successfully combat our low self-esteem, we have to not only get honest about what our problems are but may need counsel to guide us through the gnarled mess in our minds.

A Simple Science-Based and Empirically-Tested Solution for Improving our Self-Esteem

While there are many solutions for overcoming low self-esteem, one is closer than you think. Both the problem and solution can be found in one word—belief. According to Stephen Campbell and other neuroscientists, the inner critics in our heads lack discernment between fact or fiction. The brain, according to Campbell, “…believes EVERYTHING we tell it, without question, no arguments.”

This is important to understand because it validates the tired cliché, “Garbage in. Garbage out.”

Unfortunately, many of our beliefs are false. They are lies we’ve held for years, perhaps initiated by criticism from parents, bosses, teachers, or other life influences. Because our brains don’t know what to believe, the critical voices are reinforced by our negative self-talk, especially in areas related to our self-esteem and self-confidence.

This is not healthy. To the extent that we give them power over our lives, the critics in our minds are toxic.

I explore this further in the chapter about belief in my upcoming release of Ten Seconds of Boldness, The Essential Guide to Solving Problems and Building Self-Confidence.

For now, here’s some great news:

You can change if you somehow find enough courage to do so.

You may be thinking, That’s great. Tell me something I don’t already know.

How do I find courage? Good question, but a better question we must ask ourselves is why?

What does that mean and how is it related to self-confidence? It means everything.

It’s no secret that when we not only change the way we think but what we choose to believe, our world changes. Our perspective shifts as we replace outdated beliefs about ourselves with new ones.

And, according to neuroscience, everything we believe is tied to patterns we have created in our minds, to what we chose to believe.

Neuroscience expert Steven Campbell explains further:

One of the most exciting discoveries in the neurosciences is how our brain is continually creating patterns, based on what we learn during the day. It creates these patterns at night when we are asleep. And the number of patterns it creates is beyond imagination.

The latest research estimates that our brain has about eighty-three billion neurons, and each of these neurons are connected to an average of 10,000 neurons. That’s not a multiple; that’s a power! In other words, the connections, which determine the number of patterns the human brain can carry is eighty-three billion times eighty-three million, 10,000 times. It is no wonder that the scientific community agrees that the human brain is the most complex organism in the universe.

While the brain is incredibly complex, when it comes to learning new things, simple is always better. The problem, as Stephen points out, is that our brain never sleeps; it doesn’t know what is helpful or detrimental to your self-esteem. As a result, the thoughts and feelings we have throughout the day, good or bad, are on a perpetual quest to connect to similar thoughts, beliefs, or feelings in our brain. This further reinforces existing beliefs, good or bad, thereby creating patterns that will continue until challenged.

In my case, low self-esteem and self-confidence have manifested themselves in a myriad of negative thought patterns, beliefs, or emotions in my life. Here are a few examples, which are variations of thinking and behavior rooted in fear:

  • Jealousy
  • Resentment
  • Anger
  • Pride
  • Ego
  • Blame
  • Guilt
  • Shame
  • Micro-Management
  • Control
  • Fear of Failure
  • Fear of Making a Mistake
  • Fear of Being Wrong
  • Fear of the Unknown
  • Fear of Rejection
  • Fear of Abandonment
  • Fear of Public Speaking
  • Fear of Confrontation
  • Fear of Success
  • Fear of Death
  • Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

If you relate to any of these fears, I encourage you to read Ten Seconds of Boldness. It could be the missing link to moving you from where you are to where you want to be.

Learn more at shawnlangwell.com

Jump!

Posted on by under Confidence, Courage, Goals, Self-Confidence

“What’s important is that you make the leap. Jump high and hard with intention and heart.” – Cheryl Strayed

The following is an excerpt from Ten Seconds of Boldness: The Essential Guide to Solving Problems and Building Self-Confidence publishing August 1, 2022.

Did you know that the African impala can jump ten feet high and cover ten yards? Yet this magnificent animal can be confined within walls only three feet high. Why? Because unless it first sees where it’s going to land, it’s too afraid to jump.

We aren’t much different.

Many have said the only way to face challenges is head-on. To go through them. Avoiding them or denying they exist, is not a viable solution. In fact, avoidance is part of the problem. To build self-confidence and become more productive, we must identify the mental blocks and fears that we let prevent us from the lives we want, but we must also find something greater than the fear that tethers us to mediocrity and feeling less than. That one thing is courage.

Where do you find courage?

The simple answer is by developing a habit and mindset I call Ten Seconds of Boldness. This is the key to unlock the door to solving problems and building self-confidence. It is where we discover our true value to ourselves and the world. It is how grit, guts, and determination to persevere are established, developed, and mastered. How you find it is a personal matter. But without boldness or courage, you will never advance beyond where you are now.

Boldness is the catalyst to move one step closer to our dreams despite our fears: where the willingness to take a chance on ourselves is borne. And it is by doing, not just thinking, that we move closer to success. As a result of courageous action, we become more productive, happy, and prosperous.

The only thing between who you are now and who you want to be or what you want to have or do is finding the guts to practice Ten Seconds of Boldness.

Keep it Simple

My goal is to help you get to know yourself so well that personal growth and confidence become a habitual response to your life experience.  That living a bold and courageous life becomes an end unto itself. That is the goal, the process of becoming.

I am a firm believer in simplicity. Simple doesn’t mean easy. But therein lies the challenge; we are complex individuals who tend to overthink things and spend way more time thinking than doing. Worse, most of what we think about is negative. Negativity will not help you gain confidence but find the courage within to step forward into the unknown while simultaneously letting go of any preconceived fears will.

The moment you stop holding back the right doors will open. The people and resources to help you will serendipitously appear.

If you would like to be one of the first 100 to receive a FREE PDF of Ten Seconds of Boldness, click the button below to sign up.

Free PDF

Shawn Langwell is the President of California Writers Club, Redwood Writers, past president of Toastmasters of Petaluma, an author, international speaker, and top producing media salesperson. He is the author of the memoir Beyond Recovery: A Journey of Grace, Love, and Forgiveness. This summer he will release Ten Seconds of Boldness: The Essential Guide to Solving Problems and Building Self-Confidence.
You can find Shawn at http://www.shawnlangwell.com

 

Marketing 101- How to Better market YOU!

Posted on by under Author Tips, Marketing, Uncategorized

Sunday, February 10, 2019
2 – 4:30 p.m.

FEB2019_MARKETING101_ShawnLangwell

Marketing 101: How to Better Market You! 

with
Shawn Langwell

Do you struggle with Marketing? Would you rather everyone just buy your books? Marketing requires effort and getting out of your comfort zone. Join Redwood Writers on February 10, 2019, for an entertaining and practical afternoon when Shawn Langwell offers tips on “How to Better Market YOU!”

1. Passion- Know your why.

2. Know your strengths, weaknesses and opportunities with respect to writing, marketing and publishing.

a) What do you like?

b) What are you good at?

c) Where do you need professional help?

3. Know your audience.

a) who do you want to reach?

b) what do you want to say to them?

c) what do you want them to, think, feel, do?

4. Practice – 3 practical tips for building your brand.

5. Elevator pitch.

Shawn Langwell has 27 years of sales, marketing and advertising experience in the publishing industry. He has consulted with hundreds of clients to better assist them with their marketing and advertising needs and is a member of Toastmasters Of Petaluma. He has a Bachelor of Science Degree from San Francisco State University and has earned Leadership Certificates from Dominican University and the San Rafael Chamber of Commerce. In November 2016, Shawn published his first book, Beyond Recovery, A Journey of Grace, Love, and Forgiveness. When he’s not working or writing, he can be found hiking the west Marin coast. He lives in Petaluma with his wife, Crissi, and three adult children.

Do you occasionally suffer from What-if Syndrome?

Posted on by under 12 Steps, Courage, Faith, Higher power, Overcoming worry, Personal Growth, Recovery, Self awareness, Surrender, Vulnerability, Willingness

What-if syndrome is that gnawing, nagging, often unnecessary feeling that, if left to run wild, can turn into a raging torrent of fear paralyzing us from action. If we’re honest with ourselves, we have all experienced it at some point.

For me, it usually comes up around money issues. What if I don’t close that deal? What If I don’t make that goal? Then what?  Will I have more money than month? How will I pay the mortgage? The car payment? The credit card bill?

Deeper than that though, what-if syndrome may lead to feelings of inadequacy that cause us to doubt and question our worth— Will I fail? Am I good enough? Or feelings of pride— What will others think if I don’t get my kids new clothes for this school year? How will my kids feel if they have to go to a different school?

 In a word, what-if syndrome is worry. At its root, worry is a form of fear tied to our belief system and lack of trust.

Peanuts

I have lived through my share of worry over the years and have pushed through it with faith and effort to keep it at bay. It was not easy, but when it came to my addiction to drugs and alcohol, it was a matter of life and death to overcome it. I had a big enough reason why to motivate me to do something about it.

Like many things in life, it takes diligence and practice to:

a) Recognize worry or a problem when it comes up and
b) Become willing to learn some new skills to address our problems so we don’t stay stuck in them for too long.

I’ll be honest. Right now, I am wallowing in a little self-pity. For the past two and a half years, I have been riding a high from my efforts and blessings at work. I have managed to triple the sales volume for my territory in less than three years. I have written and published a book and managed to make time to work with other recovering alcoholics as a sponsor and mentor volunteer leaders at my local church.  Life has been good.

Currently, however, I am facing a less than ideal sales month and fighting worry while also trying to find the desire to complete my next book on goal setting.  I am dealing with the very challenges I want to write about overcoming.

Is this an accident? I think not. I believe that this is a wake-up call. In a sick twisted way, I am having to practice what I want to talk about.

I am grateful that I now recognize what is going on and how I feel but that, by itself doesn’t change anything. I have to change. So what do I do?

Over the years, I have acquired tools, primarily through AA, on how to cope with and conquer worry and fear. The basics consist of three steps:

1) Identify the problem.
2) Ask for God’s help. (Surrender)
3) Pray for the willingness to allow God to help me.

The short version, which, to outsiders may sound like a cop-out is, I can’t. God can. I think I’ll let him.

But, it doesn’t stop there. I have to do my part, which usually requires work. In most cases that work includes changing my thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes about my current situation. This process takes time.  It starts with humility and honesty and taking a deep personal inventory of what is bothering me. I need to look at my part—what I can and cannot control. That is but a beginning. I don’t have the space to do a deep dive into this right now. I talk about it more in my book, Beyond Recovery A Journey of Grace, Love, and Forgiveness. And I will unpack it even more as one of the blocks in my upcoming book on goal setting. If you want immediate answers or help, there are countless coaches, mentors and counselors well qualified to help.

For now let me give you a personal example of how worry has come up in my life and how I have processed and overcame it.

In very early sobriety, my biggest worry was whether I could go twenty-four hours without a drink. I had tried on my own countless times, with no lasting success.

Then, after several months of practicing the program of AA, drinking was no longer an issue. Instead, I had to face the feelings beneath the surface that I was running away from with drugs and alcohol. Without booze or drugs, I needed to find a new set of tools in order to cope with my feelings.

I found help in the twelve steps of AA. I was willing to do whatever it took to stay sober, one-day-at-a-time and quickly realized that when I worked the steps daily, my days got better.

Yet some things continued to come up—usually feelings around scarcity. I believe these were tied to my belief about not having enough and feeling uncomfortable in my own skin as a teenager.

I was raised in a middle class family until my dad left when I was thirteen. Through my first two years of my high school I had to deal with having very little, money was tight.  I recall my freshman year wearing red Toughskin jeans and a hand-me-down shirt from my older cousin. I was mortified. I felt so out of place. All I wanted to do was belong.  

Adding  to my anxiety was the fact that I went from a small class of forty students to a high school with over twelve-hundred, I was out of my comfort zone.

My solution then was to pour myself into schoolwork and making money. I soon had a job to earn money for new shoes, pants, and shirts I liked. I received praise and recognition from teachers and peers for being smart. In other words, my entire sense of self, how I felt, was dependent on external things—money, clothes, grades, recognition.

I am now realizing how much of my identity is still attached to external factors and how much more work I still have to do to find peace within; to tap into my higher power and be willing to walk through temporary fear, worry, doubt, and insecurity.

I have a feeling that I am not alone. I am sure many of my recovery peers can relate to some of this, perhaps others as well. I know I must overcome this mental block so I may confidently speak about it in a goal-setting book. My guess is that is exactly why I am facing this right here, right now.

I have a higher power. I have faith. God has never let me down before, but I have noticed that sometimes he gives me a challenge as a wake-up call for something he wants to work on in me. So what do I do?

Experience has shown me that what I need is willingness and courage. Along with that, I need to trust that He will show me a way out—He always does, sometimes though, it takes awhile for me to see it. The other thing I need to bring to the table is vulnerability. I need to be humble enough to ask for help, from others and from God. Before any of that though, and most important, I need to know what the problem is—my negative beliefs and what I have bought into, and become willing to develop a new way of thinking to overcome them. What results is greater confidence for the next time I have to face a difficult situation. With practice, I learn to not stay in self-pity so long and more quickly focus on the solution. Sometimes though, I need to sit with it for a bit to look harder at what is beneath the surface so I can better get at the heart of the problem.

In short, I need to do the work, and leave the results up to God. That principle was taught to me in early recovery and it still holds true today. To conquer worry and fear requires faith and effort.

There is no quick fix, and it will not magically disappear. The good news is that we can overcome worry when we apply faith and effort.

Thank you for listening to what I am struggling with in this moment and how I am dealing with it. I know this too shall pass.  I know I am not alone. I hope that some of you have found this post helpful.

If you want to learn more about my story, please pick up a copy of Beyond Recovery, A Journey of Grace, Love, and Forgiveness on Amazon or at any bookstore or smashwords.

Also, if you’d like to be kept up to date on blogs, events, or one of the first to read my next book, please sign up on my email list or follow this blog.

Thank you all for being a part of this journey.

Love,

Shawn

P.S.

If any of this has hit a chord, here is a promise—one of never being let down or alone which has been around for over 2,000 years.

Over the next few days God (your higher power) is going to show you how your worry can be replaced with confidence.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.”

Matthew 6:25-32 NIV
http://bible.com/111/mat.6.25-32.niv

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10 NIV
http://bible.com/111/isa.41.10.niv

 

 

Exposed – Local Author Gets Real

Posted on by under Inspiration, Public speaking, Uncategorized

Public speaking usually tops the list of things most people fear.

I’ve found that when I do that which I fear most, confidence and joy typically follow.

The first time I had to give a talk in front of a crowd I was in grammar school. I hated it. I was mortified.  Filled with anxiety and worry that I would suck, I stood there with sweaty palms wondering if I would have anything worthwhile to say. Would I stumble over my words, and saying lots if “ums” and “ahs”? That was many years ago. Despite all my fears, I lived through it.

Last Thursday, before delivering my first truly public talk about my memoir, Beyond Recovery: A Journey of Love, Grace and Forgiveness at Many Rivers Books in Sebastopol, I was a nervous wreck.

Shawn Langwell - Many Rivers Book Reading - Sebastopol - 6-1-17

Shawn Langwell – Many Rivers Book Reading – Sebastopol  6-1-17 Photo: Dale Godfrey

As the hour of reckoning drew closer, I psyched myself out wondering if anyone I invited would show. Most did. I was thrilled when the founding pastor of our church arrived. I had prayed all day that he would be there. I smiled and gave him a big hug, and thanked him for coming.

Later, as I began my talk though, I was afraid I’d drop a few cuss words and worried that I might mess up. I also wondered how the mixed crowd would accept or reject me talking openly about my faith, my struggle, and my recovery journey. How would they receive my stories of love, acceptance and forgiveness? Would they even know the inner terror I was feeling?

It didn’t matter, I had chosen to do this. I was committed and went for it.

Was it the best talk I’d ever given? No. Far from it. It did, however, give me that extra little bit of confidence to do things a little different next time. For example: I need to practice a little more, be lighter, and share from more from my heart in the beginning of my talk and not rely so heavily on my notes. I believe this will help me connect more  and build a stronger relationship with my audience.

Perhaps I am being too hard in myself, but the point is, I am walking through uncharted territory which is scary and exciting.

I have found that the greatest growth happens when I stretch my comfort zone and venture out into the unknown.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

-Henry David Thoreau

 

 

 

Want to turn doubt into confidence?

Posted on by under Inspiration, Uncategorized

Are you ready to trust yourself, feel safe in following your intuition, get doubt, fear and confusion out of the way, and get to living the dream life you’ve been working toward?

Can you allow yourself to dream right now?

Imagine feeling safe, confident and excited about following your gut instincts. Imagine turning your intuitive feelings into tangible action and watching your dreams turn into reality.

My colleague Darcy has the solution for you!

headshot-april-2017_1_orig

Join her Free 5-Day Challenge where she will show you what she has done to turn self doubt into self trust, create results toward that dream life you know is possible by following her intuition so you can do the same in your life.

I know you will get a lot from her.

Here’s the FOCUS!

How to Finally Trust Yourself & Your Intuition so that you can turn your dreams into tangible results now, regardless of what you’ve been through or already tried.

What you’ll get from this Free 5-Day Challenge:

  1. Why now is the perfect time to put fear to the side and take the leap of faith on your dreams
  2. Uncover the skills and abilities you already have that completely qualify you to start trusting yourself first and foremost
  3. Identify what has stood in the way of you really trusting yourself so you can turn doubt into trust and confidence
  4. Define your dream life in tangible ways and begin taking action to live it now
  5. How to develop your intuition and understand the subtle messages your inner voice is sending so you can turn your dreams into tangible results with confidence and joy and discover how others are enjoying the fulfillment that comes with becoming successful—and how you can too!

Join the challenge now

My intention is that this is landing in your inbox at just the right time. Also, as a bonus, when you sign up for this challenge you will automatically be included in a web interview series that I will be featured in! (Details to come in July)

Join the tribe & let’s get you the results you’ve been waiting for.

Join the challenge now

See you there,

Shawn Langwell