https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-mj62u-1af4582
Happy Father’s Day!
Folks,
This is one of the hardest episodes I’ve ever recorded.
It’s a retelling of a story from my memoir Beyond Recovery: A Journey of Grace, Love, And Forgiveness. It’s a story about healing my relationship with my dad. It’s also about finding the courage to get and stay sober.
This episode is me reading a 10 minute play contest for a short story I adapted from Beyond Recovery entitled, Milkshakes in Heaven. This play was one of six winners and was performed live in front of a packed house in Santa Rosa, CA in 2023. Around the same time as I finished Today’s the Day.
In hindsight, I see how everything we do is preparing us for the next bold leap forward.
Facing my fears and anger and being present to have a final conversation with my dad was one of the greatest gifts of my life.
May this meet you wherever you are and may all the dads or those who have a strained relationship with their own fathers find the same peace in this episode that my own dad was trying to teach me but I was still too hurt to listen.
Here is Milkshakes in Heaven:
“MILKSHAKES IN HEAVEN”
SCENE ONE.
SHAWN in car singing Santana’s “Oye Como Va!” on a windy road in Santa Rosa. Cell phone rings. It’s JOAN (mom) with bad news—Dad (JIM) has been admitted to the hospital and it’s not looking good.
NARRATOR
SHAWN in car singing Santana’s “Oye Como Va!” on a windy road in Santa Rosa. Cell phone rings. It’s JOAN (mom) with bad news—Dad (JIM) has been admitted to the hospital and it’s not looking good.
(SONG BLASTING)
Oye como va!
SHAWN
(Pounds steering while singing loud)
Oye como va!
(CELLPHONE BUZZES)
SHAWN
(Turns down music)
Hey Mom, how are you? What’s new?
JOAN
I’m OK… I just got off the phone with your aunt.
SHAWN
How is Aunt Nellie? You guys gonna go to the casino with Grandma again for your birthday?
JOAN
She’s good…yeah, we’re planning to go in a couple weeks, but that’s not why I’m calling… It’s your dad…he’s in the hospital.
SHAWN
Wait what? What happened?
JOAN
(swallows hard)
Your aunt says he’s got some kind of infection…it’s not good. I know you’re busy…he’s at Community, I think you should go visit.
SHAWN
Of course, Mom. I’ll drop by tomorrow. I still have to stop by the store and make dinner…
JOAN
I’m sorry, Honey. I know you tried to get past your anger at your dad and forgive him… I never could. I guess I never really got over him leaving…
SHAWN
(Gripping the steering wheel, knuckles white. Lights a cigarette and
parks in front of Jack-in-the-Box)
(SIGN IN WINDOW: REAL ICE CREAM MILKSHAKES)
Mom—I did the best I could, but I’m still pissed at him. He abandoned us all and didn’t even
have the balls to—never mind…
JOAN
Can you do me a favor?
SHAWN
(Takes a deep drag off cigarette and exhales)
Sure Mom, what do you need?
JOAN
Oh, never mind…you have enough to worry about.
SHAWN
(Sighs)
Mom—c’mon. I hate it when you do that.
JOAN
It’s just that after Seth—
SHAWN
Mom, I know. I still can’t… never mind, I don’t want to go there. What were you going to ask
me?
JOAN
Just in case this is the last time you get to see him…
SHAWN
(Blows smoke)
Mom, seriously, I don’t even know how bad it is.
JOAN
Tell him…tell him that I’ve never stopped…never stopped loving him. Will you do that for me?
SHAWN
Of course, Mom. We’ll talk later, K? I gotta go now. Love you, bye.
(Hangs up and begins to sob)
NARRATOR
In 1999 Shawn lost his younger brother Seth, in a car accident. The police report said he fell asleep at the wheel and was found curled up on the passenger side floorboard. This coupled with years of pent-up anger from his dad leaving when Shawn was only twelve-years-old brought all that old pain back to the surface. Chain-smoking in the car, he recalled the conversation with his dad before Seth’s celebration of life. The one when his dad said he wasn’t going to show up for Seth’s memorial…
JIM
I’ve made my peace…I don’t need to be there for Seth. He’s in a better place.
SHAWN
Are you fucking serious?
JIM
I’ve made my peace.
SHAWN
What?! What the fuck, Dad?! He’s your son and he’s dead! Seth is dead!
(A SILENCE)
SHAWN
You’re a fucking yellow-bellied coward! I can’t believe you won’t even show up for Seth’s service. You left us years ago and you still don’t care about us! Did you ever love us?!
JIM
Of course, I love you. I’ve always loved you boys. Like I said, I’ve made my peace.
SHAWN
What the fuck does, ‘I’ve made my peace,’ mean? Is that born again speak for you prayed and now are absolved of your sin? I don’t fucking get it.
JIM
I don’t need a reason and I don’t need to listen to your profanity. I love you and am going to go now.
SHAWN
I FUCKING HATE YOU!
(Slams phone then rips it out from the wall and throws it across the room, barely missing his four-year-old son and wife)
SCENE TWO.
NEXT DAY AT HOSPITAL
NARRATOR
Shawn enters the dark corridor of the hospital. Wood paneling lines the walls. White linoleum— probably made with fire-retardant asbestos—covers the floor. He approaches the nurse’s station at the end of the hall.
SHAWN
Hello. My name’s Shawn and I’m here to visit my dad, JIM— JIM LANGWELL.
NURSE
Oh…Yes…Um…he’s in room 323. That way, down the hall and on your left.
NARRATOR
Shawn enters the dimly lit room. His jaw drops at the sight of his emaciated father who lays in a spotted gown, salt and pepper stubble on his gaunt face, his eyes distant and turned toward a gnarled oak outside the window. It had been several years since their last visit—Christmas, two years after Seth had died.
SHAWN
Hey Dad! What’s going on? Long time no see.
JIM
(Turns toward Shawn)
Ha! Shawn! I’ve missed you! How are you?
SHAWN
You don’t look so good, Dad. What happened? What’s going on with you?
JIM
It all caught up with me, Son…The years as a firefighter…the partying…living fast and hard. I guess it finally took a toll on me.
SHAWN
What did the doctors say? How bad is it?
JIM
They say it may be a staph infection, but I’m at peace.
SHAWN
(Swallows hard. Says to himself)
He’s letting go. Now I know what he meant way back when…he really is at peace.
(Takes deep breath)
Dad, I want you to know I love you and it really hurts me to see you like this. I’m sorry for being mad at you for all these years. I wish I could take it back. I wish it could’ve been different.
JIM
(Extending his thin arms)
Aww, Shawn. Come here.
SHAWN
(Fighting back tears, Shawn leans in to hug JIM, and starts rubbing his head)
I always remember the times when you used to dry my head with a towel after a bath as a kid…
I loved that when you did it super-fast… like this…Or later when you me, Kelly and Seth would wrestle in the living room at the Woodacre house, and mom would get upset at first, then finally give in and join us…We had some good times, Dad…Fishing…sliding down the firepole at your job… and that time you got called away to save somebody’s home with sirens blaring! Plus, all the camping trips and visits to Grandma and Grandpa’s cabin in Mariposa…The Land…all of it. I wish we had more…
JIM
I know, Shawn, me too—I’m sorry about Seth—I really am…I always thought of you boys. Even though we never got to see each other much…I never stopped loving you.
SHAWN
I know, Dad. I know. It was just really hard to accept it after you left. But I’m so glad I’m here now before it’s too late…
JIM
(JIM’S eyes drift back to the mighty oak outside)
Me too, Shawn. Me too.
SHAWN
I’m not ready for you to go, Dad. Your still so young. Is there anything I can do? Anything you’d like?
JIM
(Grins)
A milkshake.
SHAWN
A milkshake? OK—What kind?
JIM
Chocolate!
SHAWN
(Chuckles)
You got it! I’ll bring one next time I come back, OK?
JIM
I’d like that, a lot.
SHAWN
(Leans in to hug JIM)
Bye dad…I love you! See you soon.
JIM
I love you, too, son.
NARRATOR
Three days later JIM passed.
(Beat)
SHAWN
(Looking out the window beyond the oak trees, toward the sky)
Dad, I’m so sorry I never got you that chocolate milkshake… I hope you can forgive me… I promise, when my time on this earth is done…we can share all the chocolate milkshakes we want in heaven. OK?
JIM
(Flashes a wide-tooth grin and nods,
then sips a milkshake—chocolate of course)
FADE TO BLACK.
ABOUT THE HOST:
Shawn Langwell is an Inspirational Author, Speaker, Teacher and Gap Mindset Coach & Consultant. He has written several transformational books including, Beyond Recovery, Ten Seconds of Boldness and its companion workbook, Today’s The Day, Morning Motivation, and Chill. He’s also the Past President of The California Writers Club (CWC), Redwood Writers, Past President of Toastmasters of Petaluma. Find him at www.shawnlangwell.com.
Copyright Northstar Comunications.
Please direct any inquiries to me perosnally at shawnlangwellwroter@gmail.com and nclude “Milkshakes” in the subject line