Introducing a proven 5-Step Method to move you from where you are to where you want to be.
12/31/23
That is so freaking cool! -123123. This date will never ever happen again.
Just like 11/11/11 and 02/22/22, or any other unique date in the past, today, as with every breath and every moment of our lives, will never be the same.
We know this yet at this time of year many of us review and reflect upon the goals and intentions we set this same time last year.
Perhaps we started 2023 with grand dreams and visions of changing jobs, careers, or starting a new relationship. Perhaps we set goals to lose a few pounds, to travel more, to learn a new language, take dance lessons, or start a new business. Whatever our dreams, whatever our goals, time and life march on and will forever.
As we reflect back on our year, we ask ourselves: How did we do? Did things work out as we had hoped? Did we hit our goals or fall short? Did we even bother to set goals in the first place or did we make a decision last year at this time, to not even try? If so, why? Where did we come up short? How do we feel about the results? Are we thrilled about how much we were able to do? Or still beating ourselves up for all we wanted to do but feel inadequate because we fell short? Did we measure up? Oh, and this tough one: Are we enough?
“It’s not what you think you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not.”
Dennis Waitley
2024 Challenge:
What is in the way of you getting what you want? Will 2024 be any different? If so, how? Why? What will you commit to doing this coming year that you didn’t in 2023? What do you think you need to help you get started? To stay motivated? To finish what you’ve started?
If you are like the vast majority of us, you will fail. All of us fail. Those who try more fail more. But guess what? Those who fail the most are some of the most successful people I know. In every industry, those who dare to be great and dare to be bold are the ones who generally feel better about who they are and where they are going.
How do they do it? What do they have that you or I don’t? In a word, they have confidence. They have found ways to embrace their shortcomings and despite them keep getting back up until they succeed. And more importantly, they have learned as have I, that success is not a one and done situation. It is not a final destination.
Success is and always will be determined by what matters most to you. And the greatest measure of success in any endeavor is not where you end up, but the habits you develop and who you become in the process of advancing toward a goal or dream. To persist in the face of challenges and setbacks. Unforeseen obstacles. These are the hallmarks of all successful individual accomplishment. In addition, success in a collaborative process. To find lasting success requires the aid, guidance, and help of others to accomplish your goals.
Life and goals are not a straight-line equation. Both are messy. We are not perfect. This mental merry-go-round is not bad, unless you are tired of hearing the same carnival music, riding the same horse year after year.
So what do you want? Are you bold enough to take a chance on yourself? Do you need a confidence boost? Some encouragement? Or are you all set driven and ray to set the world on fire? If so, what’s your plan? How did you do last year? Are you a lone wolf who lives by the self-driven code of “I got this?” or are you tired of repeating the same self-defeating habits year after year and seriously determined to commit to some changes this year with the hope of actually accomplishing more of what you want?
If you fit the latter, keep reading.
Below is a chapter from my Ten Seconds of Boldness Workbook. It is based on three decades of business experience and timeless wisdom.
My mission is to encourage, inspire and help people become brave and confident enough to believe they can accomplish their dreams and goals.
I am a merchant of hope. As such, everything I write, share, teach and coach is driven by a simple and highly-effective purpose: To love and inspire people to believe in themselves.
No BS. No hyperbole. No empty promises. I am the real deal and am dedicating the rest of my life to fulfilling this awesome and deeply fulfilling mission and purpose.
This blog is one of the most significant you will read. Within these few thousand words are the seeds to accomplish great things.
Before we continue though, I must ask:
Are you bold and vulnerable enough to dare to be great, dare to be you? With all your faults and shortcomings? Are you willing to learn a few things that may change the trajectory of the rest of your life? If you answer yes, keep reading.
What are you going to do this year that will be different? How bad do you want more? Less? What are you willing to let go of to get what you want?
These are the tough questions all successful people ask. They not only ask them but commit to the effort necessary to create the habits and changes required to live happier and more fulfilling lives. These habits have become a working part of who they are. Automatic. On point and on purpose. Not just financially, but relationally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
Are you ready for a change? Ready to take on a challenge and to truly make 2024 your best year ever?
Fantastic!
Let’s get you started with these simple first steps:
1: Read the below excerpt from chapter 6 of the Ten Seconds of Boldness Workbook and do the prompts.
2: Listen to this podcast:
3: Sign-up for my newsletter so you can be the first to receive an invitation to my Less or More in 2024 Workshop this spring.
4: Invest in the life you say you want to lead. You are worth it. I believe in you.
Now, let’s get to it, shall we?
Chapter Six
Bridging the Confidence Gap
“It’s not what you think you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not.”
Dennis Waitley
To hear to the audio version of this chapter, listen to this podcast: Dare to Be Great, Dare to Be You.
For Father’s Day in 2021, my son treated me to a zipline tour. For two and a half hours we traversed the treetops across seven ziplines and two skybridges. The only things that separated us from the forest floor two hundred and fifty feet below were a harness with pulleys, a 3/8” cable, and the courage to let go.
It was the most exhilarating and memorable Father’s Day ever!
Though I was anxious on the first two zips, I relaxed by the third. I found my legs, so to speak. Until we approached a hundred foot long, wobbly skybridge made of ropes and planks. I stared at it, then the ground. My knees began to shake. Unlike the ziplines which meant harnessing up and letting go to enjoy the ride, to continue our adventure meant I had to put one foot in front of the other and cross that rickety bridge seventy-five feet above the hard ground below. I watched as others crossed first and realized it wasn’t impossible. I grabbed the rope rails, and after finding my balance, found it was not as scary as I thought. I took a few cautious steps then feeling more confident, skipped the rest of the way across. When I got to the other side, My son asked, “What was that all about Dad?”
“I decided to have fun because I knew it was safe.”
Your Confidence Gap is Not as Big as You May Think
The bridge between where you are and where you want to be is shorter than you think. In fact, for most people, it’s only six to seven inches: the average space between your two ears.
This chapter will look closer at ways we can gain the knowledge, seek the advice, and find the courage to take the next step in each phase of our development. Each of these steps is critical for building the bridge between where we are and where we want to be. To inspire boldness to conquer your fear of falling and keep putting one foot in front of the other. The goal of this chapter is to inspire you to take the next step forward. To help you bridge your confidence gap.
Focus
When I have too many projects, goals, and to-dos going on at the same time I easily get distracted and lose focus. They all seem important, but whenever I look at them all at once, I get overwhelmed. It’s like an overstuffed garage or closet, or a home office with disorganized boxes of notes and file drawers bursting with old utility bills, notebooks, etc.
Eventually the clutter of my environment and my mind becomes so great that I feel ineffective. To regain focus, I take time to organize and declutter.
When I finally decide to tackle big projects, organizing or otherwise, I do it one drawer, one closet, one room at a time. I focus on making progress in one area before moving on to the next.
I feel much better when I am productive and creative, but I don’t obsess over results. I strive to maintain a healthy balance between work and relaxation, remembering to also take time out to celebrate my accomplishments, small or large.
This process has become a set routine or habit. Just like making my bed in the morning.
Prompt #1: Make Your Bed and Take Out the Trash
It’s important to pay attention to unresolved problems or unfulfilled ambitions you have and how you typically respond to them. Watch for:
- Procrastination
- Denial
- Blame
- Avoidance
- Shame
- Guilt
- Fear
Choose one area, skill, attitude, or belief that’s been bugging you or that you’ve been procrastinating over and make a decision to do something about it as soon as you finish this chapter.
It can be anything. Making your bed. Taking out the trash. Starting a load of laundry. Anything. The key is not to just think about it, but to actually do it. Decide what it is, then make a plan, write it down, set a date, and get started. That’s how it’s done.
As you apply the skills you learn in this workbook, it will become readily apparent how easy it is to transfer them to other areas essentially building your confidence one closet or room at a time. The cure to overcoming any and all of the above is easy: Be bold. Practice the five steps. Decide, commit, and do one thing now.
Professional Advice for Bridging Your Confidence Gap
I also asked Aaron Locks what advice he would give to kids, parents, or adults who struggle with self-confidence. What could help others bridge the confidence gap of where they are, and where or who they want to be?
“There’s no magic wand,” Aaron said. “First, visualize what you want. What does your life look like when you’re happy?” He added, “When we are younger, we tend to want things. As we get older, we want feelings, adventure, and journeys.” Clarify what that looks like for you.
In summary, he said there are three steps.
- Look at where you want to go.
- Let go of your failures. Instead embrace them and look how far you’ve come.
- Ask yourself how you overcame them and do that.
He added, “There are lots of pieces in us already and that’s where the confidence comes from. It’s like kids learning to walk. As parents, we don’t need to say, ‘Okay, it’s time to practice.’ Kids are going to want to learn how to walk. They fall down and keep getting back up again, and again. We all have that in us. What we have to do is let go of the fear of falling down. And focus on the fact that we want to walk.”
Prompt #2: Pause For a Moment of Gratitude—Here. Now.
Take five minutes to write down everything you can think of that you are grateful for. And everything that brings you joy. Read your list, close your eyes, and let the feelings settle in.
After a few minutes, open your eyes and continue reading, knowing you can come back to this place of gratitude anywhere, anytime you want to. All you have to do is stop. Pause. And be grateful. Yes, it is that easy.
You’ll Never Know Until You Try
The most confident people I know have a desire and willingness to continue to push themselves and get in the game. They are willing to try. They do not sit idly by. They take risks. They take the hits and get knocked down, like Rocky. But, unless the towel is thrown, they pull themselves up by the ropes, and live to fight another round.
One thing is certain—if you never try, you will never know. Don’t believe the lies in your head. Until you invest the time to seriously pursue something of interest to you, you will remain where you are. Don’t quit before the miracle.
Your biggest obstacle will likely be to your resistance to self-reflection. To seriously make a list of your assets and liabilities. To become introspective enough to fully grasp, embrace, and accept your strengths and weaknesses. This is no different than what businesses do when deciding to open their doors.
“Know thyself,” means more than who you are and what you have done. There are two deeper questions you need to ask as you make your way through the rest of the book: First, what do you want? Second, why do you want it? And, perhaps even more importantly, is to accept that you don’t need to have all the answers before you get started.
80% is Enough
When it comes to bridging a confidence gap, 80% is more than enough in most cases. The remaining 10-20% of what you think is missing almost always falls into place as you advance toward your goals. If it doesn’t, don’t worry, you probably didn’t need it anyway.
The point is your confidence will build while you are in pursuit of a dream or goal. The key word is pursuit. That means action.
Your confidence will also be shaken, tested. Expect to stumble. To make mistakes. It’s part of learning. As you shift your attitude about the inevitable setbacks and mistakes you will face from “I’m a failure” to “That didn’t work, I’ll try this instead,” you will begin to change how you approach any task or goal and become more confident and successful in the process. You will begin to build a solution mindset and will reap the appropriate benefits.
*Side note: Out of respect for professions that require specific skills and greater accuracy, as with airplane pilots, surgeons, etc., 80% won’t cut it. But for most others, 80% confidence is plenty to be effective. Those who are wise will not waste time for the extra 20% if the return is not worth it.
Prompt #3: Reflect and Answer
Question #1: What are the 20% most impactful things you can do right now to advance?
Question #2: Is 80% confidence enough for you? If not, why?
Question #3: What do you need to get started now?
Photo by Fabio Comparelli on Unsplash